Grandad gives up driving

Grandad was in his mid 80s when it became evident to the family that it was time for him to stop driving. But it wasn’t evident to Grandad. This was the man who had taken us on Sunday afternoon drives when I was a kid. Wild rides on narrow dirt roads built on the side of mountains. He was in no hurry to turn in his keys.

Discussion among family members proved futile. No one could come up with a way to convince Grandad that he should quit driving.

The day he ended up in a ditch I got a call. I rushed to the hospital, where he had been taken for observation. When he showed up in the waiting room, unharmed and ready to go home, he wore a sheepish smile. “Guess I’ll be givin’ up the ‘old girl.'” And so it was. Grandad had discovered for himself that his driving days were over.

But not every issue our elderly loved ones face work themselves out on their own.

Perhaps  your own parent is facing transition issues. Maybe you are seeing things that make you ask questions such as:

• Is it time for my parent to give up driving?
• Should we get in-home care for Dad/Mom?
• Which would be better for my loved one, a retirement community or assisted living?
• How do we choose a good nursing home?
• What do we do when we see the signs of dementia in the one we love?
• My parent needs an advocate, and it looks like I may be it. How do I do that?

These can be perplexing and difficult issues to work through.

Alice Kalso spent 25 years working with families of seniors. She authored Elder Care SOS: Facing Hard Choices With Hope, which is an amazing resource. Her book includes a full chapter for each of the concerns listed above (chapters 4-9). Here’s an overview of chapter 4, “Talk About Driving.”

Kalso opens the chapter with the story of Joe and his scheme to keep driving in spite of vision problems. With stories and research she presents the difficulty seniors may have when faced with giving up their car keys.

Next the author turns to the concerns of the adult child of someone whose driving days may need to come to an end. She suggests that you ride along while  your parent drives. Make note of any warning signs that might indicate a need to limit driving. “If you’ve noticed any of these warning signs, you must find the time to talk,” she says. You will find counsel from Kalso about how to go about having “the talk” with your parent.

Her suggestions are well thought-out, practical, and full of empathy and understanding.

Alice talks about setting up a fund to provide alternative transportation for the parent who has had to give up driving. It was my first time to hear about this useful system.

The closing section of the chapter on driving is called “Independence and Control.” These two strong desires reside in the minds of most senior citizens. (But isn’t that true for most humans, no matter the age?) How do we balance independence and control for our parents with providing for their safety?

In chapters  4-9 the reader is given creative suggestions steeped in a wealth of stories and applicable research. All are seasoned with love, kindness, and respect. In fact, the entirety of Elder Care SOS reflect those same qualities.

Is your own parent or another loved one struggling with any of these thorny issues? I suggest you get a copy of Elder Care SOS: Facing Hard Choices with Hope. You’ll find it to be a great resource. It’s available at Amazon.

This post is part 3 of a series in which I focus on a section of Alice Kalso’s book Elder Care SOS: Facing Hard Choices with Hope. You can read part one here and part two here.